2011

Hope your Christmas was great! Our first Kentucky Christmas was defiantly one to remember and cherish! 


Well, 2011 is numbered and 2012 is approaching fast. My 2012 resolution? It is a simple one. 


I am NOT cutting Memphis out but simply just KEEPING it in my heart but in the mean time I will MOVE forward and ACCEPT this Kentucky life that I have been given. 


I am done with people telling me to move on, let go, and accept the fact that I moved. This is my life and I will move on at my own pace. I will jump when I am ready. No more suffocating myself from the people and city that I love but instead finding a balance between the two lives. Finding two spots in my heart for all the wonderful people that God has blessed me with. 


2011 was defiantly a hard year but one that I will never forget. 2012, I am ready for you. I am ready for the laugh out loud moments, the sad homesick moments, and the wonderfully amazing Kentucky moments. I am ready. 


I figured out that when you finally start listening to your heart and trusting your situation is when you can start to let go and move forward. Those are two scary things to do but they can be done and I am currently doing those things. 

I have come a long way since that 18 wheeler left my 5247 Arlington house. I have taken a butt load of steps to the ultimate goal of acceptance. Some were big steps while others were small tiny accomplishments but never the less, they were steps. 


My favorite quote:


"Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self." 


AMEN.

Hello Cincy. Hello new. Hello change. Your defiantly scary but I am learning how to take you down. I honestly, wouldn't change my Kentucky life. I have met some super sweet girls and have adapted to being a Raider. I am learning to love Kentucky :) 


Goodbye 2011, hello 2012! I am ready to smile and laugh more! I am ready to start loving Kentucky. I am ready. 


A big thank you to my sweet southern friends for being there every step of the way through this move. I couldn't do it with out you! AND a big thank you to all the sweet friends that I have met in Kentucky, you have showed me that Kentucky isn't to bad! :) I am beyond blessed with my two sets of friends.  I actually consider myself special :) 


Thank you! 


Hope your new year is filled with joy and happiness! 

Life Lessons

I am currently feeling: Flabbergasted 


I still can not believe that I have moved to Cincinnati. Somedays it just hits me and I kinda laugh about it. I wonder why God wanted me in Kentucky. What is the purpose to this? I will never really know the purpose but I do know that it is a good one :) 


This past weekend was hard. All my favorite Memphis girlfriends got all dolled up while I sat back and watched the pictures pop up on Twitter and Facebook I felt that sharp pain of heartache creep back in. It was hard. I wanted to be in those pictures and I wanted to be hugging them so hard but I couldn't. I was miles away living my own separate life. It actually felt weird. I wasn't in that memory or that experience. It does hurt still, it makes me miss them even more. 


I get jealous. I want to be in the picture posing beside them instead of their other friends. I want to see them face to face and be able to  laugh and see them smile...not just hear their laugh them over the phone. 


This past weekend was a reality check. I am not there anymore. I have my own life in Kentucky. I say that countless times but it is still like a slap in the face. I know it takes time, believe me I know. I just want the heartache to be gone. I want to smile at those pictures of Memphis but I guess it just takes time. :) 


One of my very dear friends in Memphis told me that God hands us life lessons. They may not be what we want or easy but God knows that is what we need. He is teaching me a life lesson right now. Change. 


Today I walked in to a really special surprise. A very SWEET southern friend sent us some famous Rendezvous special rib seasoning and that ohh so good barbecue sauce. All I have to do is just smell the seasoning and I am one happy girl. My oh my how I can't wait to get some Memphis barbecue soon :)


Happy holidays from the Kelly's in Kentucky! Hope it is filled with laughter, smiles, and lots of memories! I love everybody back home and miss ya'll every second <3

Operation Letting Go

Sometimes you just have those weeks of pure frustration and a butt load of other emotions all packed into one. I hate it. I get overwhelmed by it and at a certain point just loose it. 


But, sometimes loosing it is what you really need. We have been Kentuckians for 5 months now and in my head I should be loving it here and should be completely comfortable with the fact that this is not the south anymore. Well folks, that is not true. 


I really struggle with the fact that my best friends are miles away. I really struggle with the fact that I will graduate as a Ryle High Raider instead of an Arlington High Tiger. I really struggle with the fact that life isn't what is use to be like 5 months ago.


So, as I plopped myself into the counselor's office Friday for a full on vent session I was asked the simple yet complex question, "Maggie how are you feeling right now?" Yeah, that is a easy question to answer but I was stumped. I sat there silent for a few minutes and then a million feelings started coming out of my mouth. I was sad, depressed, mad, angry, confused,  and frustrated. I know those are a lot all rolled into one but it was the truth. 


The counselor's response is always very calm and precise. "Well, lets get to the core root of all these feelings, why don't we?" 


Yes, please lets do it. 


I am very hard on myself and that is something that I need to work on. If I could tell people anything about this move it would be that I try so hard everyday to smile and laugh. Now, those people may not think I do but they are wrong. How do you stop these feelings of confusion and sadness? There is not just one go to answer. It is different for everybody. I think I may have found what that answer is for me. 


I need to TRUST God more, I need to LOOSEN my grip on Memphis, and I need to START loving Kentucky more. I don't love Kentucky yet but I don't think it is bad it is just...different. Different is good, it is neutral. These things are on my to do list right now. I have decided to limit my use of my social networking sites that way I am not tempted 24/7 with obsessing with what Memphis is doing and I made the very hard but important decision of cutting down my talking/texting time with my friends back home.


I am not cutting Memphis OFF, like so many people have told me to do but I am just simply cutting BACK. I know it is going to feel weird and strange and just plain not normal but the friends that truly love me will stay with me no matter where I am and that right there makes me feel like I can let go of Memphis. 


Letting go is really scary but I am tired of feeling crummy and depressed so you know what? I am taking a U -turn. A U-turn back to happiness. I will have my weekly phone calls with Memphis and I will soak up every minute but I am gonna live in the moment and embrace Kentucky and the amazing Kentuckians living here. I am up for the challenge. 


My goal this week is to START to let go. I finally realized that life is not going to be what is was 5 months ago. It isn't. So, why dwell in the bad?? I am tired of that. 


This week is Operation Letting Go. I am ready to go! :) 

One step is all you need

Have you ever gotten those moments where reality just smacks you in the face? 


I do. They all have one thing in common. They are all about moving. 


I will be walking down the hallway at school and get that smack in the face. I moved and I haven't seen what I called my home in 5 months. 


That right there is a hard thing to swallow. I called Memphis my home and then I was taken away from it. It feels like somebody ripped my source of oxygen from me and I am just left struggling to breath. I struggle with this feeling a lot. It can happen on a weekly basis or a monthly basis but I feel it. 


So, I have to ask myself, what can  I do to stop that? To control this feeling? Now, most of the time I have no answer but, I am still on the look out for it. The answer will come one day, I promise. It is going to be an amazing answer too. One that is real and true. It could be acceptance or letting go, and it is going to feel great. 


There are times where I feel like I am running from my own mind and just trying to escape it all. I don't want these reality smacking moments. They bring back bad memories. Memories of the trucks, boxes, and many many goodbyes. 


Some days are hard. Some days bring heartaches. Some days bring back painful memories. Some days bring back sadness. Some days are like that and they are hard to digest. You think you took several steps forward to acceptance and then you feel like something else just knocks you down and before you know it, you have taken several steps back. It isn't a fun feeling to feel. I struggle with it a lot. 


A good friend reminded me the other day that if you took 5 steps forward and 4 steps back you still took 1 amazing step forward. That step should be celebrated and praised no matter how little it is. So, today I do feel heartache for my beloved Memphis but I am also trying to remember that one step forward is still one amazing step.


That is just one more step closer to moving on. :)


Hope your Saturday is filled with lots of holiday cheer and some deserving rest!  

One big step

In my opinion I took a really big step this week. I wasn't expecting this step at all but it was a much needed step. For the holiday we went up to our beloved home state of Kansas. Thanksgiving was great, filled with yummy food, laughs and of course late nights. It felt really good to see blood relatives and just be back in grandma's kitchen. As the days progressed in Kansas I noticed a new feeling. A feeling I had never had before. 

I missed my home in Kentucky. I missed my Kentucky friends. I missed Kentucky. 

Have you ever heard me say that before? NO. This was the first time. 

I had to leave the state to realize that I actually liked it and maybe just maybe realize, God knows what he is doing. I miss Memphis every second of every day and that right there is hard but this miss was a little different. This miss pain made me smile. It made me realize that the friendships that I am building are strong. It made me realize that I love my Kentucky home and it made me realize that Kentucky has some awesome opportunities in store for me. 

Now, when I start feeling these happy feelings a little voice inside of me goes off and says "Well, what about Memphis??" and then I disregard the happy feeling and dive into the pain of missing my friends and that lip smacking good barbecue. But, this time was different, I told that voice that I will always love Memphis and embraced these new Kentucky feelings. It was a big step for me. I told myself to be happy instead of sad. It was hard but so has everything else involving the move. The holidays make me miss Memphis more but it also make me excited for what the wonderful state of Kentucky has to bring for holidays. 

In my crazy head the road to acceptance and letting go is like the board to the game Candy Land. The trail is pieced together with small individual squares all connected to one common destination. I am trucking along on that path and well you better bet I just took a step. A step involving a jump of a few squares. Not just one. I am not there yet but getting there and that makes me smile. So, day by day I am walking on that colorful path....and it is starting to look up. 

I still have days where I long for a hug from a good southern friend in Memphis or to walk down the hallways and smell the coffee at my amazing church but I have to pace myself. Those days will come when I visit. Right now I need to roll down the windows and let that good ol' Kentucky air blow through my car, take in all my new sweet friends at Young Life and enjoy the view outside my bedroom window. 

As the counselor asks me every week, "How do you feel right now?" Well, my answer is simply...content. I am content with this smile on my face and content with the Candy Land path that God put me on in Kentucky. God, what else do you have in store? :) 

Hope your Thanksgiving was filled with yummy food and a satisfied belly :) 

Thankful

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it has me thinking of some things. There is a part of my body that is forever thankful of the thousands of blessings I have but there is a part of my heart that longs to be in Memphis for thanksgiving. I miss my friends, all I want to do is see them and give them a hug. As I look back at these past 4 months I see multiple things. I see hardships, tears, anger, laughs, smiles, and love. I am thankful for all those emotions, the good and the bad. 


I still struggle to this day with the thought of moving. It makes me mad actually. I was ripped from my comfort zone. I was ripped from everything and everybody I loved. That makes me mad. I am so thankful, hands down but, I miss Memphis and still want it back at times. My heart aches for Memphis. It hurts and it is so hard at times. So hard. 


How do you control these thoughts? How do you be thankful for what you have at this very moment. 


You push it aside. You look at the friends sitting beside you. You look at the family hugging you. You look at the house you live in. You look at the car you drive, clothes on your back, and the food in your stomach. You look at your blessings right in front of your eyes. For me, this helps. It makes me smile. 


This thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. I consider myself very blessed. I look at where we were 4 months ago and I smile. We have all come far. This thanksgiving, I am giving thanks for the all the new things in my life. The new experience, memories, moments, laughs, and smiles. 


I still struggle with the move every single day. Some worse than others but, I still struggle with it. I have this big urge to see my friends. Four months is a long time and I miss them all so much. So much. It really hurts my heart but I am learning how to cope with that. Some days will be bad and others will be great. Just take it day by day and do the best you can. I can do it. I can. It just takes time. I know it will still take time. 


So, I take a deep breath on the bad days and put a smile on my face on the great days. I am so blessed with the wonderful friends I have in Memphis. I love them all. I am also very thankful for my new Kentucky friends, I love them as well. :) 


Happy Thanksgiving y'all! I am blessed to have you in my life :) 

Change is constant

Our lives are always changing. The one thing that is constant in this world is change. Change can be really crappy at times but it can also surprise you. I really struggle with change. Yes, it has been over 4 months since the big move but I am still not completely okay with it. At times it is hard for my friends to understand that. What they don't understand is that, I never expected this big change in my life. 

But, when do we really ever expect big change to happen? We don't. We think we are prepared and are all ready to take it down but in reality you feel like your crumbling inside. At least that is how I feel half of the time. Change is good. I have been blessed with new friends and experiences that I would never have been able to hold dear to my heart if I still lived in Memphis. I remind myself of that everyday, and I always smile thinking about it. :)  

I struggle with my mind. It is my biggest and strongest enemy. My heart is really starting to love Kentucky but my mind is telling me different things. I am afraid that once I really and truly let go of Memphis, I will never get it back. I am afraid that I am replacing Memphis.  I am afraid of calling Kentucky home. What will Memphis be when I call Kentucky home?  I am afraid. 

I struggle with my mind everyday and sometimes I take it down and other days my mind wins big time. I do feel ashamed when my mind wins. It gets the best of me sometimes. I have to work on, getting up from that. I get so mad at myself when I am sad or depressed. In my head, I think I should be over this. It is just a move. Big deal. 

But, then I think...Maggie stop beating yourself up. This is big. You moved hours away. The last 4 months have been nothing but change and you can do it. Don't worry about people think, worry on a better tomorrow and work on smiling more. 

Great pep talk, huh? :) Moving does suck but for the first time ever I am starting to see the greatness of moving. I really am. It is this special feeling I get and it emerges me. Lately, I get it when I am with the girls that I am loving more and more everyday. I like to call them my new best friends. I get this feeling when I am at Young Life and am surrounded by what I once called strangers but can now call them friends. I get this feeling that is absolutely wonderful when I am laughing my head off and have the biggest smile across my face. I take a look around and see that I am with people that I love and that I honestly am so thankful for meeting. These feelings are amazing. I crave them and when they happen I tuck them away and pull them out to cheer me up on a depressed day. 

Today is one of those days y'all. They come and go but it still doesn't mean that I am not improving. 

My goals:

1. to stop beating myself up

2. to breathe and smile

3. to award myself, I have come far

It is a small list but very challenging. I know I can do it. It may not be easy (I already know that!!) but, it is possible. I was told today something that really made me smile. Memphis can never really be taken away from me. It is a part of me and the cool thing is, Kentucky is becoming part of me now too. :)  

Pieces of my heart

What does letting go mean? It is a hard thing to do. I have been trying to let go of the life that I loved so much in exchange for a brand new life that I am learning how to love. Sometimes it can be really frustrating and hard but there are these amazing moments of pure peace. These moments relieve me of a lot. I smile and laugh in these moments. I am happy in these moments. Why? 


I let go. I loosen my grip that I have on Memphis. I have been really afraid of letting go of Memphis. I was afraid that once I let go, I would be forgotten and that is not what I wanted. So, I held on. I held on tight and that was not good for me. I was emotionally holding on to something that I don't have anymore and that was a life in Memphis. My life is in Kentucky now and I need to grab on to it. Enjoy it and take it on strong! It takes a lot of time and just reminding myself that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. 


I have been extremely blessed through this move. It has made me realize a few things. 


1. Family is forever
2. Your true friends will stick with you
3. God never closes one door without opening another one for you
4. I haven't just moved three times, I have just left my heart in three great states :)  


I left my heart in Memphis big time. Now, I just have to figure out one thing. 




A spot in my heart for Kentucky. I am working on it everyday. I struggle some days but some days I smile. I smile and give them a hey y'all :)




Hope everybody had a great and safe Halloween! 

Ready or not

Have you ever heard the saying, God doesn't give you anything you can't handle? I have to remind myself of this on a day to day basis. He would never give me anything that I couldn't accomplish. I am currently struggling with one problem. This problem drives me crazy. 

People don't understand.

Moving isn't easy and if somebody says it is, they are crazy!! Sometimes people don't really understand that it takes time to move on and accept. Yes, I am happy way more than sad but that still doesn't mean that I don't think of Memphis from time to time. When I think of Memphis a rush of feelings come back. Sometimes I can't even believe that I moved. It hits me sharp and fast. I moved. Some days are good and some days are bad but that doesn't mean that I am not improving. I improve every day. It takes a lot of work sometimes, to just smile but I know that the hard work pays off. 

In one day I usually have a million feelings that go through my mind and heart and sometimes I can't handle them all. Nobody told me how I am suppose to feel, act, and move on through out the move. I take all the advice that I have been given to heart. Some is helpful and some is hurtful. What I do with it is up to me. 

Some days I feel like punching somebody and other days I feel like showing the whole world my smile. My emotions vary from day to day. One day I could be great and the next day I could have a common case of the Memphis blues. It changes, just like life. 

Life changes. Ready or not, it changes. What are you gonna do? Just sit there and let it change or are you going to hop onto the crazy ride called Life and enjoy the ride? It can be hard at times but those pure moments of happiness outshine the crappy days. The challenge is, reminding yourself of those happy moments when you feel like breaking down. It isn't easy, but it is possible. 

Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be possible. So, I am just going to keep on plugging through. Day by day, step by step, emotion by emotion...

I can get through it and one day I will call Cincinnati my home. 

                                                     UK Tour! 

                                                     Come visit us :) 

Just one thought

One thought is all it takes. One thought to make me feel the pain and heartache. One thought to make me realize I miss my Memphis. I hate these thoughts. They come when I am least expecting it and they knock me down before I have a chance to fight back. The thought is simple. 

I moved. I miss Memphis. I moved. 

In reality, it is a small thought but in my mind it is gigantic. How do you tell yourself to smile and look at what you have been blessed with? How do you tell yourself to get over a heartache? There really is no answer. There is no cure and there is no remedy. You can only do one thing. 

Look at your life at that very moment. It helps me. It shows me that I am blessed beyond belief.  It shows me that I can do this. It shows me that this isn't easy and that is okay. You take it day by day. God never promised easy. He promised to be there. He promised to be your friend in a time of need. 

So, as you can see I had a thought today. I thought of those lip smacking good ribs and all those friendly southern faces that I miss so much. I thought of my 5247 Arlington house. I thought of my memories. These thoughts come and go. I really can't control them and do my best to cope with them. 

Never in a million years would I imagine being a Junior at Ryle High and living in the Cincinnati area. I guess God had a different plan. :) I have let go a little bit but I am still on the road of acceptance. It is a long road but I will get there. I promise. When I do get there, I have a feeling it is going to be something special. I truly believe that will be the moment where I can call Cincinnati my new home. 

To be honest, my heart is still back in Memphis at times. I love my Memphis and miss it very much. My goal for tomorrow is to have a good Kentucky thought.

A look back

It has been over 3 months since the big move to Cincinnati and boy, a lot has happened! As, I drove home from school today on one of the Kentucky back roads I kept thinking about how far I have come. Not just me, but the whole family. We arrived here in the heat of summer and now all the trees are turning a nice red and orange. Three months may not be long but it sure seems like forever ago. 


I use to get annoyed by all the boxes in the house. They would just sit in the same place for days even weeks. They were a vivid reminder that I had moved. Everything was so new. New school, town, city, neighborhood...everything! I admit my attitude was bad at times. I remember the first night in the house. I hated everything. I hated that boxes where all over my room. I hated that my room had bedazzled butterflies on the walls. I hated the house, the town, the state, and at times I hated that I was with my family. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to process everything. 


Now, fast forward to today. There are no boxes. There are no bedazzled butterflies on my wall. The house feels more like ours. I am getting to know my way around town. I have friends. 


Big difference, huh? I would say yes. 


Everybody told me it was going to take time. My response to everybody was that in my book time was overrated! Well, ya'll are right. :) Time has passed and it feels better. I feel better. I can walk down the hallway and smile to people. I can open up to people. I can start to be Maggie around people. Moving is big. In my mind moving is changing your world upside down. You get a new reality and a new normal. Well, I think I can finally say that I am starting to warm up to my new Kentucky normal and reality. Yes, this wasn't in my plan but God had a different plan. I can't tell you why God moved my family here and I may never be able to tell you but I can tell you one thing. I am starting to become more at peace with God's plan. 


It is funny how the pain of missing Memphis is becoming less painful when I started to realize that this is what I have been handed so, why don't I suck it up and learn to love it like I love Memphis. So, I am sucking it up and embracing Kentucky ways. 


Taking a look back 3 months gives me hope. We have all come a long way. How will we be in 3 more months? By then, we will be at the 6 month mark. Crazy to think about it. Time passes by fast. Wouldn't you rather spend it laughing that crying? I would. I have started to change my ways and it has made all the difference. So, as of today I am looking back and smiling. I am smiling at how much progress the whole family has made and I am smiling at the future. 


Happy fall ya'll :) 

at ease

Tonight I am at ease. I am at ease with the fact that God put me in Kentucky. I am at ease that this is my new reality and normal. I am at ease with my new surroundings. I am at ease. 


This feeling of relief can be some what tricky. In my opinion, in order to get this feeling you have to let go. As you start to let go, slowly you start to feel more at ease. You start to feel a tad bit less stress. You start to feel happy. You start to feel at home. 


I have come to the terms that letting go is good. I need to continue to do it. It will be a forever challenge but it will be well worth it. Letting go allows me to be at ease. Letting go allows me to feel like this is my home. I thought that letting go meant loosing Memphis forever but it is the complete opposite. Letting go means that you have saved all the wonderful memories and people from Memphis in your heart and have taken the first step to creating wonderful memories in Kentucky. People may not understand and they don't need to but I feel different. A good different. A different that is welcomed. 


This week my goal is to continue to smile, laugh, and let go. I feel like this is a new turning point. I am done with the sad and pain and am ready to feel at ease. So bring it on, I am ready. 


Have a great week. Hope you can find some time to relax and feel at ease :) 

letting go

This week was big. I have survived my Memphis detox. I let go. I feel happy. 


My detox week is finally up and all I can say is, I am glad I did it. It wasn't easy. There were moments when I wanted to text/call my Memphis friends up and say, "I miss you!" I did this detox to focus on myself and the awesome life that God has put in front of me. I have said for weeks now that I was ready to move on and accept. In my head that moment of letting go was like a ah ha moment. I would wake up and I would just let go, just like that. Well, let me tell ya, it doesn't work that way. Life isn't that simple. I have come to the conclusion that letting go is different for everybody. For me, it comes in little moments. These moments all have one thing in common, I am surrounded by my new Kentucky friends. They can be simple moments like laughing so hard you cry or they can be loud moments of jamming out to Adele with all the windows down while cruising on the back roads of Kentucky. These moments show me that letting go is okay. These moments give me a purpose to let go. 


I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I have tucked Memphis into my heart and now I can just start loving Kentucky. I will forever love Memphis and all the wonderful family that I have there but that weight that was lifted from shoulders was Memphis. Not that Memphis was a burden to me, but I stopped worrying about what all my friends were doing and who they were with and I stopped just constantly spinning the thought of how much I miss Memphis in my head. I smiled and laughed this week. I got they "Hey girl, we want to hangout with you tonight!" texts and those in itself make me smile from ear to ear. :) You can say your ready to let go and move on but once push come to shove, will you actually be able to do it?


I have come to the terms of this is my new life. I tuck Memphis in my heart everyday. Kentucky is right outside my door steps. Am I going to hide or take it head on? 




Kentucky, I am taking you head on. 




I may be scared and nervous but in the end I never regret walking into those rooms of a bunch of people and just saying, "Hey ya'll!" I have learned through this detox. It has taught me that it is okay to let go, in fact it is highly encouraged. My true Memphis friends will always be there and I will never forget Memphis. How could I? It is a pretty awesome place filled with even more amazing people! 


I can say that I am ACTUALLY letting go. It feels good. I feel like I can breathe. 


Miss everyone back home! :) 

Memphis Detox

I am doing a Memphis detox this week. I love all my friends in Memphis but I think at times I am clinging to hard to them. I am trying to be there in Memphis. I need to just focus on me and the friendships I am building here. So, this week I will go a week without a single text or call to one of my friends in Memphis. It will be weird but I am hoping it will give me some relief almost. I am hoping that through this I will see that, I don't need to know every detail of what is going on. I am living in Cincinnati now, not Memphis. I need to focus on the friends that I am establishing here. Mentally I need to be here, not just physically but mentally as well. 


I love Memphis and the friends I have there but I think I need this. I think I need to let go a little bit and enjoy the ride. I need to start enjoying the ride here, in Cincinnati. 


Talk to my Memphis peeps at the end of this week :) Hope everybody has a great week! 
Fall has arrived in Cincy! We are having cool temperatures and yummy candy apples! 


Happy fall ya'll! 

Nobody said it would be easy

Nobody said it would be easy. Nobody warned you of the pain you would feel, nobody warned you of the icky feeling you get when you are known as the new girl, nobody said it would be easy. Amen to that.


I have figured out something. This thing is small but will make a big impact. I don't need to care so much about what people think. I love my friends back home in Memphis but sometimes I care to much about what they think of me. I am trying my best. I am working towards acceptance and just being happy. I need my friends to understand that, I need them to understand that it will not happen over night, I need them to understand that pushing me to do things does not help me. Nobody gave me a manuel on how to deal with moving. I wish they did, it would make things easier :) I have to cope with moving to Cincinnati the way that gets me through each day. Some people may disagree with that way but they are not walking in my shoes. 


Life is crazy. Life doesn't promise us that it will be easy. Life is hard. You can only push yourself so much. You can only go so far. Sometimes, we have to cut ourselves some slack and just take a breather. Relax and sit back for a minute. God shut the door on Memphis and opened one to Cincinnati. The only problem with that is, I was no where near ready to shut that door on Memphis. I love Memphis. It is hard to move on from something that you were never ready to leave. It is hard to explain to people how you feel when they just don't understand. It is hard to feel like I am a Ryle High Raider. It is just hard all around. 


So, how do I get through each day? I have no clue :) I personally, want to see what the future holds. I am scared out of my mind but excited at the same time. Each day gets me to my goal. My goal of smiling more. My goal of saying I actually like it here. My goal of feeling more at home. My goal of feeling accepted. My goal of being happy. Sure, I will have those depressing homesick moments, I had one last night! But, if I can smile more and more everyday, those moments will not be as heart wrenching and painful. 


I really do feel blessed with awesome family and friends to help me through! I take every word of advice and tuck it into my heart. Slowly and surely I will accept and move on.

Go your own pace

I have figured out that I have to go my own pace. I shouldn't do things just because I am being pressured into doing them. I shouldn't just suck it up because people may be tired of hearing me whine and complain about moving. I have to move my own pace. If that pace is the speed of a snail then so be it. Some days my mind is racing with thoughts and emotions that going slow is my only option. I have to take each negative thought that pops into my head and throw it out the window. I have to take it and push it out of my mind and that sometimes takes me all day to do that to just one negative thought. So, I have to go my own pace and that pace right now is slow. 


Everybody tells me that I have to move on and accept the fact that my new home is in Cincinnati. They are right but they never have an answer for me on how to move on. That is really challenging as a teenager. I want the answer right now. I think we all have our own secrets to moving on in life and letting go. Mine sometimes is totally submerging myself in Alternative music or maybe it is just as simple as going out with a new friend here, whatever it is...it takes time. Some people can move on fast while others take a longer time to accept their new normal. What is my pace? It is dead slow and I am not afraid to admit it. I have no clue when I will be fully happy and okay with all the changes I am living through each day but I do know I am not going to rush it. I am going to wake up everyday and go my pace and be alright that. I am the one that has to move on and accept. I am the one that has to go to school everyday and try to talk to somebody new. I am the one that has to jump out there in the scary situations and trust that God is watching over me. I am the one that has to go my pace.


So, today as I type this I am feeling a bunch of things. I feel homesickness, I feel sadness, I feel worried, I feel stressed but I also feel anxious for what the future holds. Nobody ever tells you how to cope with all these feelings. To be honest, sometimes on my way to school I release everything inside of me to my steering wheel. Then, when I finally arrive at school I walk in ready to conquer the day. 


Sometimes people don't understand how hard it is to get through each day. I work really hard to keep my thoughts of Memphis to a minimum and to think positive thoughts. It is really hard and what people need to understand is that by the time I lay my head on my pillow at night I am mentally and emotionally worn out. Just like I charge my phone every night I charge my mind and heart every night and hope that by the morning they are ready to take on the day! 


My friends are not conquering the challenges that I have  each day for me. My friends are not walking into my new school with me. I am. I am having to do these things so, why should I go the speed somebody is telling me to go? I am going the speed that fits me. My speed may be slow but each day I end up going farther than I was the day before.

Refocus

For some reason this week has been just okay. I have had several triggers that bring me back to Memphis and the pain that comes with it. Personally, I can just get really down about the whole moving situation. I can get depressed. I sometimes get to the point that giving up just seems a 1000 times better than pushing through the weirdness, pain, and hard times. I will flat out admit that giving up can sound good to me. So, today I went the counselor to talk. These wonderful talks really help me. He allows me to get everything off my chest and then we look together at how we can conquer and move past this. I have learned that I am setting too high of expectations on myself. I am putting time limits on everything. In my world, I thought I would have my best friend picked out by now and I thought I would be able to call Kentucky home by now. Well, guess what? That isn't reality. I feel like I let myself down and my friends back in Memphis down when I can't meet these guide lines I have set for myself. 


The first thing that the counselor told me to do was to just say that this move has been hard. Let it out Maggie. 


So, here I go....
This has been the hardest thing I have done. I wake up wishing I was in Memphis. I get sad, depressed, and lonely at times. I want my "normal" back. I still wonder "Why?" I have struggled to accept this move.


There we go. It is all out on the table, raw emotions. I know I am too hard on myself and I know it takes time to accept and move on but I am not believing it. Let me explain, I want to move on and accept, I really do. I know that moving on will be good for me. One problem, I am not believing it. I need to believe that I could actually love it here and I need to believe that this will eventually feel like home. 


I have learned a lot from this move. I have learned that life is going to be hard. You can hide from your challenges and your struggles or you can get up every single day and do the best to take on those challenges. I try my best. I fail some days and conquer others. I need to cut myself some slack.


It is a challenge everyday but I am beyond ready to start thinking positive and moving on. I love Memphis and I don't think it could ever be replaced. I will always remember it and always come to eat some ribs :) 


Some times we get on a good track and then swerve a little bit off that track. Don't worry, you just need to refocus and start chugging along the good path again. It isn't easy but nothing is impossible. 

Is there a cure?

Is there a cure for homesickness? Is there a cure for missing somebody? Is there a cure for sadness? If you know of somebody who has a cure, let me know as soon as possible! Please!!
I have been having really good days lately and I am very blessed for that but for some reason at night time is when it all hits me. As I lay in my bed it smacks me in the face that I am missing so many people. I am missing my church, my pink room at 5247 Jon Oak, my parking buddy at school, and the list goes on and on...
Night time is when it all comes crashing to me. I never got to see my favorite people today, I never walked the halls of my favorite school, and I never pulled into the driveway of my Arlington house that I loved dearly. Deep down in my heart I think I know the cure to all my homesickness. I am just afraid to admit it. Moving on and acceptance will cure me and heal my heart. Everyday that is my goal and I strive to meet that goal. It is hard. It is really hard to go through the motions of your new life when you never wanted to give up your old one. If I had it my way I would have moved back the day I moved to Kentucky. :) I want people to understand that I have good days but that never takes away the pain of moving. The pain I have when I see my friend's Facebook photos, the pain of knowing I am not in my beloved St. Paul on Sunday mornings, and the pain of knowing somebody else is sleeping in my pink room on 5247 Jon Oak Rd. Will this pain ever go away or will it ever become easier to cope with? I know it will. It has to. 


As I type this, I am really missing my Memphis life. I want it back. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed and feel it everyday but I am struggling with "Why?" 


Why a third time God? Wasn't two already enough? I know I have to let go and that is what I want to do more than anything but I still feel like I am grieving. I still lay in my bed at night with my Ipod playing and look out my window and just think of Memphis. 


Tonight, I am suffering from homesickness. I am missing my home. The ironic thing is, I am in my home. Sitting in it right now, it just doesn't feel that way. I can't wait for the day that I can call it home. 




Miss all my Memphis peeps to Kentucky and back! 

Normal

This weekend felt normal. This weekend we had our wonderful Memphis friends in town for a full, fun packed visit! It felt normal being with people who knew you. It felt normal to talk about past memories and laugh out loud about them. It felt normal. This feeling is kinda hard to find right now. Everything is so new, strange, and scary that normal isn't going to be in my vocabulary for a little while longer. This weekend was a much needed break. I felt like I smiled a true smile this weekend, surrounded by yummy food and even more amazing company this weekend will be one to remember forever. Thank you Bingham's! 


I got my Sophomore year book this weekend. I was thrilled to look through it and see all my friends but little did I know...it would make me sad more than happy. Reading the sweet messages that my friends wrote and seeing the high school that I still love to death was almost like a set back. I am hanging out with people, getting involved, and cheering for the Ryle High Raiders on Friday night and started to put missing Memphis in the back of my mind. It doesn't hurt as much and I started to feel accepted. Sure, it still feels weird but that is a feeling that I have become accustomed to. This past Friday night, looking through my yearbook set me back a little bit. All of the sudden, my aches and pains of moving were sitting in my lap. The reality of my Junior yearbook saying Ryle High instead of Arlington High was real and true Friday night. I have come to the realization that moving on may not be totally real. Yes, I will learn to love Kentucky, I will call people BFF's here, and I will eventually be proud to be a Ryle High Raider but I will also have moments that remind me of Memphis. Looking at a picture, visiting Memphis, or even talking on the phone to a friend may set me back. It set me back and made me look at my reality. My reality of being over 400 miles away from something that I love. Moving on is hard and I always think there will be a piece of my heart that will never move on. It is a teeny tiny small part but I can feel it big time when I am reminded of Memphis.


I think people move on but I don't think they will ever move on from the fact that their new reality wasn't what they had in mind. I will accept that I have moved but I honestly don't know if I can move on from the heartache that I have when I think Memphis. That heartache will ease and become less heart wrenching but it will always be there. Life is hard and complicated but knowing that God is on my side is very comforting. He knows me and he knows when I will move on and he knows that my life in Cincinnati is going to be great. 


Everybody has setbacks. How you get up and react after those set backs is what sets us apart and makes all the difference!

                                          The Kelly sisters have taken over Cincinnati :)

                                           Loved having the Bingham's!! 

                                          Love these guys! 

Acceptance

Hello all my Memphis friends and family!! 


I hope ya'll have been enjoying cooler weather! We sure have! 


I have come to a conclusion. In the dictionary the word acceptance has three different meanings but the one that I love is agreement with or belief in an idea, opinion, or explanation. People tell me all the time to accept but what do they really mean? Will I ever be able to truly accept the reality of no longer living in Memphis? Will I 100% accept this move? I honestly don't have an answer for that but I have come to the conclusion that accepting doesn't just mean moving on it is greater than that. It means that you have come to terms with the fact that you may never fully accept your new reality. There was something special with Memphis. I felt so loved and wanted there. Yes, the humidity made your hair a big frizz ball but the BBQ totally made up for it. I miss Memphis everyday, even on my best days. I have accepted that my new reality will consist of me always missing Memphis and the wonderful southern people living there. Acceptance doesn't mean I have to forget about my past, but it means accepting the new life I have been handed. It is a hard thing to do, accept, but it isn't impossible. 


I will always be a Kansas girl by blood but I am a Memphis girl by heart and will always be a Memphis girl. I love Memphis everyday. I am learning to accept the fact that everyday I will miss Memphis!!


Miss ya'll!! :)

two months

The Kelly's have been in Kentucky for two months. Honestly, for me it feels like we have been here for two years :) I have come to the conclusion that it is going to take some time to really be at peace with the move. I have been told countless times that I need to move on and accept it and that is 100% true but I have to go my own pace. Everyday, I get a little better and smile a little more. That day could be one of the worst days ever but I still think I move a little closer to acceptance and peace. I am not perfect, I have no clue if I am handling all these new changes right but what I do know is that I try my best everyday. Some days may not look like I do but deep deep down inside of me I do try. Moving isn't easy and I still think I am better off in Memphis but I have figured out it is only hurting me by looking back at the closed door instead of the open one right in front of my face. Trust me, it is right in FRONT of my face. I try to keep it all together and show to people that I can handle this but deep down inside of me I am crumbling. I can't do this alone, that is where friends come into play. I have some amazing ones and don't think I can say THANK YOU enough to them and to my beloved Memphis family. On my bad days, I smile just thinking that I am engulfed in love miles away. The feeling is pretty amazing. 

I try everyday to have a smiling day and if that day isn't a smiling day it is ok. I will pick myself up and keep on walking. I will keep on walking to acceptance and peace. I will make it there, it may not be today or tomorrow but it will be one day. :)

Miss every single one of my Memphis friends and families <3 Hope all is well! 

Free

Happy THREE day weekend!! 

                                          Gotta love bug rides

                                                    Max lets himself really embrace the wind ;)


This week I feel free. I feel like I have put my lowest moments behind me and I can only go up from here. Yes, I will still have those heart wrenching days where I only think about Memphis but I truly believe that the worst days are behind me. I try my hardest to start each day of with a smile and a positive attitude. I really love the quote "Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn." I can't help but to smile every time I read it! Yes, I will still have bad days but I am going to embrace those days because when I do have a day where I am smiling from ear to ear I will appreciate it 100 times more! 


I am ready to start my uphill hike to acceptance. I truly feel ready and I never thought I would say that. So, God...I am finally ready to start my walk to more smiling days!


Have a great Friday ya'll! :) Miss you!!! 

Believe in yourself

Happy Saturday!


I am going to be honest with you, this week has defiantly not been one of my best. It has actually been pretty crappy at times. After a major breakdown I found myself in the school guidance counselor's office on Thursday. I never thought it would help but talking to somebody I barely knew about everything going on helped, big time. I have learned a lot about myself this week. Nobody ever said it was going to be easy and I totally believe that. I thought it would get easier once school started. I wouldn't be obsessed with how my Memphis friends were spending their Friday nights, I would be interacting with people, and I would be hopefully moving forward. Well, this week I felt like I took 20 steps back. Starting school has actually made it harder. It is really hard to love my new city, town, and school when you never wanted to start over. This third move has taught me a lot! One of those things is, life doesn't put on its blinker for you when it is about to take an unexpected turn. it isn't going to give you a head ups, your just expected to go with it and have faith that it is leading you to an amazing place with new memories and adventures. I know God lead me here for a reason, I am just still wondering WHY???? I wish I could sit down down with him face to face and ask :) 


The two pictures aren't anything special but they mean something big to me. The first is of inspirational quotes and bible verses on post it notes. My goal is to start each day with a positive view and attitude. The second is a Dove wrapper. I opened it up at lunch one day this week and thought that saying was a total sign from God. It is probably his way of smacking me in the forehead. :) I looked at that wrapper all day and it is on my desk so I can see it everyday. It is really scary and stressful getting out there in a new school with all new people but I am going to believe in myself. 


I am sure I will have more bad days but I figured I might as well embrace that it is a bad day then, on the days that are great I will enjoy them even more. I feel so blessed to have an amazing Memphis family who loves me no matter where I live. That is true southern hospitality. 


Miss every single one of ya'll!! 


Maggie :)