Go your own pace

I have figured out that I have to go my own pace. I shouldn't do things just because I am being pressured into doing them. I shouldn't just suck it up because people may be tired of hearing me whine and complain about moving. I have to move my own pace. If that pace is the speed of a snail then so be it. Some days my mind is racing with thoughts and emotions that going slow is my only option. I have to take each negative thought that pops into my head and throw it out the window. I have to take it and push it out of my mind and that sometimes takes me all day to do that to just one negative thought. So, I have to go my own pace and that pace right now is slow. 


Everybody tells me that I have to move on and accept the fact that my new home is in Cincinnati. They are right but they never have an answer for me on how to move on. That is really challenging as a teenager. I want the answer right now. I think we all have our own secrets to moving on in life and letting go. Mine sometimes is totally submerging myself in Alternative music or maybe it is just as simple as going out with a new friend here, whatever it is...it takes time. Some people can move on fast while others take a longer time to accept their new normal. What is my pace? It is dead slow and I am not afraid to admit it. I have no clue when I will be fully happy and okay with all the changes I am living through each day but I do know I am not going to rush it. I am going to wake up everyday and go my pace and be alright that. I am the one that has to move on and accept. I am the one that has to go to school everyday and try to talk to somebody new. I am the one that has to jump out there in the scary situations and trust that God is watching over me. I am the one that has to go my pace.


So, today as I type this I am feeling a bunch of things. I feel homesickness, I feel sadness, I feel worried, I feel stressed but I also feel anxious for what the future holds. Nobody ever tells you how to cope with all these feelings. To be honest, sometimes on my way to school I release everything inside of me to my steering wheel. Then, when I finally arrive at school I walk in ready to conquer the day. 


Sometimes people don't understand how hard it is to get through each day. I work really hard to keep my thoughts of Memphis to a minimum and to think positive thoughts. It is really hard and what people need to understand is that by the time I lay my head on my pillow at night I am mentally and emotionally worn out. Just like I charge my phone every night I charge my mind and heart every night and hope that by the morning they are ready to take on the day! 


My friends are not conquering the challenges that I have  each day for me. My friends are not walking into my new school with me. I am. I am having to do these things so, why should I go the speed somebody is telling me to go? I am going the speed that fits me. My speed may be slow but each day I end up going farther than I was the day before.