Refocus

For some reason this week has been just okay. I have had several triggers that bring me back to Memphis and the pain that comes with it. Personally, I can just get really down about the whole moving situation. I can get depressed. I sometimes get to the point that giving up just seems a 1000 times better than pushing through the weirdness, pain, and hard times. I will flat out admit that giving up can sound good to me. So, today I went the counselor to talk. These wonderful talks really help me. He allows me to get everything off my chest and then we look together at how we can conquer and move past this. I have learned that I am setting too high of expectations on myself. I am putting time limits on everything. In my world, I thought I would have my best friend picked out by now and I thought I would be able to call Kentucky home by now. Well, guess what? That isn't reality. I feel like I let myself down and my friends back in Memphis down when I can't meet these guide lines I have set for myself. 


The first thing that the counselor told me to do was to just say that this move has been hard. Let it out Maggie. 


So, here I go....
This has been the hardest thing I have done. I wake up wishing I was in Memphis. I get sad, depressed, and lonely at times. I want my "normal" back. I still wonder "Why?" I have struggled to accept this move.


There we go. It is all out on the table, raw emotions. I know I am too hard on myself and I know it takes time to accept and move on but I am not believing it. Let me explain, I want to move on and accept, I really do. I know that moving on will be good for me. One problem, I am not believing it. I need to believe that I could actually love it here and I need to believe that this will eventually feel like home. 


I have learned a lot from this move. I have learned that life is going to be hard. You can hide from your challenges and your struggles or you can get up every single day and do the best to take on those challenges. I try my best. I fail some days and conquer others. I need to cut myself some slack.


It is a challenge everyday but I am beyond ready to start thinking positive and moving on. I love Memphis and I don't think it could ever be replaced. I will always remember it and always come to eat some ribs :) 


Some times we get on a good track and then swerve a little bit off that track. Don't worry, you just need to refocus and start chugging along the good path again. It isn't easy but nothing is impossible.