Change is constant

Our lives are always changing. The one thing that is constant in this world is change. Change can be really crappy at times but it can also surprise you. I really struggle with change. Yes, it has been over 4 months since the big move but I am still not completely okay with it. At times it is hard for my friends to understand that. What they don't understand is that, I never expected this big change in my life. 

But, when do we really ever expect big change to happen? We don't. We think we are prepared and are all ready to take it down but in reality you feel like your crumbling inside. At least that is how I feel half of the time. Change is good. I have been blessed with new friends and experiences that I would never have been able to hold dear to my heart if I still lived in Memphis. I remind myself of that everyday, and I always smile thinking about it. :)  

I struggle with my mind. It is my biggest and strongest enemy. My heart is really starting to love Kentucky but my mind is telling me different things. I am afraid that once I really and truly let go of Memphis, I will never get it back. I am afraid that I am replacing Memphis.  I am afraid of calling Kentucky home. What will Memphis be when I call Kentucky home?  I am afraid. 

I struggle with my mind everyday and sometimes I take it down and other days my mind wins big time. I do feel ashamed when my mind wins. It gets the best of me sometimes. I have to work on, getting up from that. I get so mad at myself when I am sad or depressed. In my head, I think I should be over this. It is just a move. Big deal. 

But, then I think...Maggie stop beating yourself up. This is big. You moved hours away. The last 4 months have been nothing but change and you can do it. Don't worry about people think, worry on a better tomorrow and work on smiling more. 

Great pep talk, huh? :) Moving does suck but for the first time ever I am starting to see the greatness of moving. I really am. It is this special feeling I get and it emerges me. Lately, I get it when I am with the girls that I am loving more and more everyday. I like to call them my new best friends. I get this feeling when I am at Young Life and am surrounded by what I once called strangers but can now call them friends. I get this feeling that is absolutely wonderful when I am laughing my head off and have the biggest smile across my face. I take a look around and see that I am with people that I love and that I honestly am so thankful for meeting. These feelings are amazing. I crave them and when they happen I tuck them away and pull them out to cheer me up on a depressed day. 

Today is one of those days y'all. They come and go but it still doesn't mean that I am not improving. 

My goals:

1. to stop beating myself up

2. to breathe and smile

3. to award myself, I have come far

It is a small list but very challenging. I know I can do it. It may not be easy (I already know that!!) but, it is possible. I was told today something that really made me smile. Memphis can never really be taken away from me. It is a part of me and the cool thing is, Kentucky is becoming part of me now too. :)