Operation Letting Go

Sometimes you just have those weeks of pure frustration and a butt load of other emotions all packed into one. I hate it. I get overwhelmed by it and at a certain point just loose it. 


But, sometimes loosing it is what you really need. We have been Kentuckians for 5 months now and in my head I should be loving it here and should be completely comfortable with the fact that this is not the south anymore. Well folks, that is not true. 


I really struggle with the fact that my best friends are miles away. I really struggle with the fact that I will graduate as a Ryle High Raider instead of an Arlington High Tiger. I really struggle with the fact that life isn't what is use to be like 5 months ago.


So, as I plopped myself into the counselor's office Friday for a full on vent session I was asked the simple yet complex question, "Maggie how are you feeling right now?" Yeah, that is a easy question to answer but I was stumped. I sat there silent for a few minutes and then a million feelings started coming out of my mouth. I was sad, depressed, mad, angry, confused,  and frustrated. I know those are a lot all rolled into one but it was the truth. 


The counselor's response is always very calm and precise. "Well, lets get to the core root of all these feelings, why don't we?" 


Yes, please lets do it. 


I am very hard on myself and that is something that I need to work on. If I could tell people anything about this move it would be that I try so hard everyday to smile and laugh. Now, those people may not think I do but they are wrong. How do you stop these feelings of confusion and sadness? There is not just one go to answer. It is different for everybody. I think I may have found what that answer is for me. 


I need to TRUST God more, I need to LOOSEN my grip on Memphis, and I need to START loving Kentucky more. I don't love Kentucky yet but I don't think it is bad it is just...different. Different is good, it is neutral. These things are on my to do list right now. I have decided to limit my use of my social networking sites that way I am not tempted 24/7 with obsessing with what Memphis is doing and I made the very hard but important decision of cutting down my talking/texting time with my friends back home.


I am not cutting Memphis OFF, like so many people have told me to do but I am just simply cutting BACK. I know it is going to feel weird and strange and just plain not normal but the friends that truly love me will stay with me no matter where I am and that right there makes me feel like I can let go of Memphis. 


Letting go is really scary but I am tired of feeling crummy and depressed so you know what? I am taking a U -turn. A U-turn back to happiness. I will have my weekly phone calls with Memphis and I will soak up every minute but I am gonna live in the moment and embrace Kentucky and the amazing Kentuckians living here. I am up for the challenge. 


My goal this week is to START to let go. I finally realized that life is not going to be what is was 5 months ago. It isn't. So, why dwell in the bad?? I am tired of that. 


This week is Operation Letting Go. I am ready to go! :)