What does letting go mean? It is a hard thing to do. I have been trying to let go of the life that I loved so much in exchange for a brand new life that I am learning how to love. Sometimes it can be really frustrating and hard but there are these amazing moments of pure peace. These moments relieve me of a lot. I smile and laugh in these moments. I am happy in these moments. Why?
I let go. I loosen my grip that I have on Memphis. I have been really afraid of letting go of Memphis. I was afraid that once I let go, I would be forgotten and that is not what I wanted. So, I held on. I held on tight and that was not good for me. I was emotionally holding on to something that I don't have anymore and that was a life in Memphis. My life is in Kentucky now and I need to grab on to it. Enjoy it and take it on strong! It takes a lot of time and just reminding myself that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.
I have been extremely blessed through this move. It has made me realize a few things.
1. Family is forever
2. Your true friends will stick with you
3. God never closes one door without opening another one for you
4. I haven't just moved three times, I have just left my heart in three great states :)
I left my heart in Memphis big time. Now, I just have to figure out one thing.
A spot in my heart for Kentucky. I am working on it everyday. I struggle some days but some days I smile. I smile and give them a hey y'all :)
Hope everybody had a great and safe Halloween!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Ready or not
Have you ever heard the saying, God doesn't give you anything you can't handle? I have to remind myself of this on a day to day basis. He would never give me anything that I couldn't accomplish. I am currently struggling with one problem. This problem drives me crazy.
UK Tour!
People don't understand.
Moving isn't easy and if somebody says it is, they are crazy!! Sometimes people don't really understand that it takes time to move on and accept. Yes, I am happy way more than sad but that still doesn't mean that I don't think of Memphis from time to time. When I think of Memphis a rush of feelings come back. Sometimes I can't even believe that I moved. It hits me sharp and fast. I moved. Some days are good and some days are bad but that doesn't mean that I am not improving. I improve every day. It takes a lot of work sometimes, to just smile but I know that the hard work pays off.
In one day I usually have a million feelings that go through my mind and heart and sometimes I can't handle them all. Nobody told me how I am suppose to feel, act, and move on through out the move. I take all the advice that I have been given to heart. Some is helpful and some is hurtful. What I do with it is up to me.
Some days I feel like punching somebody and other days I feel like showing the whole world my smile. My emotions vary from day to day. One day I could be great and the next day I could have a common case of the Memphis blues. It changes, just like life.
Life changes. Ready or not, it changes. What are you gonna do? Just sit there and let it change or are you going to hop onto the crazy ride called Life and enjoy the ride? It can be hard at times but those pure moments of happiness outshine the crappy days. The challenge is, reminding yourself of those happy moments when you feel like breaking down. It isn't easy, but it is possible.
Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be possible. So, I am just going to keep on plugging through. Day by day, step by step, emotion by emotion...
I can get through it and one day I will call Cincinnati my home.
Come visit us :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
Just one thought
One thought is all it takes. One thought to make me feel the pain and heartache. One thought to make me realize I miss my Memphis. I hate these thoughts. They come when I am least expecting it and they knock me down before I have a chance to fight back. The thought is simple.
I moved. I miss Memphis. I moved.
In reality, it is a small thought but in my mind it is gigantic. How do you tell yourself to smile and look at what you have been blessed with? How do you tell yourself to get over a heartache? There really is no answer. There is no cure and there is no remedy. You can only do one thing.
Look at your life at that very moment. It helps me. It shows me that I am blessed beyond belief. It shows me that I can do this. It shows me that this isn't easy and that is okay. You take it day by day. God never promised easy. He promised to be there. He promised to be your friend in a time of need.
So, as you can see I had a thought today. I thought of those lip smacking good ribs and all those friendly southern faces that I miss so much. I thought of my 5247 Arlington house. I thought of my memories. These thoughts come and go. I really can't control them and do my best to cope with them.
Never in a million years would I imagine being a Junior at Ryle High and living in the Cincinnati area. I guess God had a different plan. :) I have let go a little bit but I am still on the road of acceptance. It is a long road but I will get there. I promise. When I do get there, I have a feeling it is going to be something special. I truly believe that will be the moment where I can call Cincinnati my new home.
To be honest, my heart is still back in Memphis at times. I love my Memphis and miss it very much. My goal for tomorrow is to have a good Kentucky thought.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
A look back
It has been over 3 months since the big move to Cincinnati and boy, a lot has happened! As, I drove home from school today on one of the Kentucky back roads I kept thinking about how far I have come. Not just me, but the whole family. We arrived here in the heat of summer and now all the trees are turning a nice red and orange. Three months may not be long but it sure seems like forever ago.
I use to get annoyed by all the boxes in the house. They would just sit in the same place for days even weeks. They were a vivid reminder that I had moved. Everything was so new. New school, town, city, neighborhood...everything! I admit my attitude was bad at times. I remember the first night in the house. I hated everything. I hated that boxes where all over my room. I hated that my room had bedazzled butterflies on the walls. I hated the house, the town, the state, and at times I hated that I was with my family. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to process everything.
Now, fast forward to today. There are no boxes. There are no bedazzled butterflies on my wall. The house feels more like ours. I am getting to know my way around town. I have friends.
Big difference, huh? I would say yes.
Everybody told me it was going to take time. My response to everybody was that in my book time was overrated! Well, ya'll are right. :) Time has passed and it feels better. I feel better. I can walk down the hallway and smile to people. I can open up to people. I can start to be Maggie around people. Moving is big. In my mind moving is changing your world upside down. You get a new reality and a new normal. Well, I think I can finally say that I am starting to warm up to my new Kentucky normal and reality. Yes, this wasn't in my plan but God had a different plan. I can't tell you why God moved my family here and I may never be able to tell you but I can tell you one thing. I am starting to become more at peace with God's plan.
It is funny how the pain of missing Memphis is becoming less painful when I started to realize that this is what I have been handed so, why don't I suck it up and learn to love it like I love Memphis. So, I am sucking it up and embracing Kentucky ways.
Taking a look back 3 months gives me hope. We have all come a long way. How will we be in 3 more months? By then, we will be at the 6 month mark. Crazy to think about it. Time passes by fast. Wouldn't you rather spend it laughing that crying? I would. I have started to change my ways and it has made all the difference. So, as of today I am looking back and smiling. I am smiling at how much progress the whole family has made and I am smiling at the future.
Happy fall ya'll :)
I use to get annoyed by all the boxes in the house. They would just sit in the same place for days even weeks. They were a vivid reminder that I had moved. Everything was so new. New school, town, city, neighborhood...everything! I admit my attitude was bad at times. I remember the first night in the house. I hated everything. I hated that boxes where all over my room. I hated that my room had bedazzled butterflies on the walls. I hated the house, the town, the state, and at times I hated that I was with my family. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to process everything.
Now, fast forward to today. There are no boxes. There are no bedazzled butterflies on my wall. The house feels more like ours. I am getting to know my way around town. I have friends.
Big difference, huh? I would say yes.
Everybody told me it was going to take time. My response to everybody was that in my book time was overrated! Well, ya'll are right. :) Time has passed and it feels better. I feel better. I can walk down the hallway and smile to people. I can open up to people. I can start to be Maggie around people. Moving is big. In my mind moving is changing your world upside down. You get a new reality and a new normal. Well, I think I can finally say that I am starting to warm up to my new Kentucky normal and reality. Yes, this wasn't in my plan but God had a different plan. I can't tell you why God moved my family here and I may never be able to tell you but I can tell you one thing. I am starting to become more at peace with God's plan.
It is funny how the pain of missing Memphis is becoming less painful when I started to realize that this is what I have been handed so, why don't I suck it up and learn to love it like I love Memphis. So, I am sucking it up and embracing Kentucky ways.
Taking a look back 3 months gives me hope. We have all come a long way. How will we be in 3 more months? By then, we will be at the 6 month mark. Crazy to think about it. Time passes by fast. Wouldn't you rather spend it laughing that crying? I would. I have started to change my ways and it has made all the difference. So, as of today I am looking back and smiling. I am smiling at how much progress the whole family has made and I am smiling at the future.
Happy fall ya'll :)
Monday, October 10, 2011
at ease
Tonight I am at ease. I am at ease with the fact that God put me in Kentucky. I am at ease that this is my new reality and normal. I am at ease with my new surroundings. I am at ease.
This feeling of relief can be some what tricky. In my opinion, in order to get this feeling you have to let go. As you start to let go, slowly you start to feel more at ease. You start to feel a tad bit less stress. You start to feel happy. You start to feel at home.
I have come to the terms that letting go is good. I need to continue to do it. It will be a forever challenge but it will be well worth it. Letting go allows me to be at ease. Letting go allows me to feel like this is my home. I thought that letting go meant loosing Memphis forever but it is the complete opposite. Letting go means that you have saved all the wonderful memories and people from Memphis in your heart and have taken the first step to creating wonderful memories in Kentucky. People may not understand and they don't need to but I feel different. A good different. A different that is welcomed.
This week my goal is to continue to smile, laugh, and let go. I feel like this is a new turning point. I am done with the sad and pain and am ready to feel at ease. So bring it on, I am ready.
Have a great week. Hope you can find some time to relax and feel at ease :)
This feeling of relief can be some what tricky. In my opinion, in order to get this feeling you have to let go. As you start to let go, slowly you start to feel more at ease. You start to feel a tad bit less stress. You start to feel happy. You start to feel at home.
I have come to the terms that letting go is good. I need to continue to do it. It will be a forever challenge but it will be well worth it. Letting go allows me to be at ease. Letting go allows me to feel like this is my home. I thought that letting go meant loosing Memphis forever but it is the complete opposite. Letting go means that you have saved all the wonderful memories and people from Memphis in your heart and have taken the first step to creating wonderful memories in Kentucky. People may not understand and they don't need to but I feel different. A good different. A different that is welcomed.
This week my goal is to continue to smile, laugh, and let go. I feel like this is a new turning point. I am done with the sad and pain and am ready to feel at ease. So bring it on, I am ready.
Have a great week. Hope you can find some time to relax and feel at ease :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
letting go
This week was big. I have survived my Memphis detox. I let go. I feel happy.
My detox week is finally up and all I can say is, I am glad I did it. It wasn't easy. There were moments when I wanted to text/call my Memphis friends up and say, "I miss you!" I did this detox to focus on myself and the awesome life that God has put in front of me. I have said for weeks now that I was ready to move on and accept. In my head that moment of letting go was like a ah ha moment. I would wake up and I would just let go, just like that. Well, let me tell ya, it doesn't work that way. Life isn't that simple. I have come to the conclusion that letting go is different for everybody. For me, it comes in little moments. These moments all have one thing in common, I am surrounded by my new Kentucky friends. They can be simple moments like laughing so hard you cry or they can be loud moments of jamming out to Adele with all the windows down while cruising on the back roads of Kentucky. These moments show me that letting go is okay. These moments give me a purpose to let go.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I have tucked Memphis into my heart and now I can just start loving Kentucky. I will forever love Memphis and all the wonderful family that I have there but that weight that was lifted from shoulders was Memphis. Not that Memphis was a burden to me, but I stopped worrying about what all my friends were doing and who they were with and I stopped just constantly spinning the thought of how much I miss Memphis in my head. I smiled and laughed this week. I got they "Hey girl, we want to hangout with you tonight!" texts and those in itself make me smile from ear to ear. :) You can say your ready to let go and move on but once push come to shove, will you actually be able to do it?
I have come to the terms of this is my new life. I tuck Memphis in my heart everyday. Kentucky is right outside my door steps. Am I going to hide or take it head on?
Kentucky, I am taking you head on.
I may be scared and nervous but in the end I never regret walking into those rooms of a bunch of people and just saying, "Hey ya'll!" I have learned through this detox. It has taught me that it is okay to let go, in fact it is highly encouraged. My true Memphis friends will always be there and I will never forget Memphis. How could I? It is a pretty awesome place filled with even more amazing people!
I can say that I am ACTUALLY letting go. It feels good. I feel like I can breathe.
Miss everyone back home! :)
My detox week is finally up and all I can say is, I am glad I did it. It wasn't easy. There were moments when I wanted to text/call my Memphis friends up and say, "I miss you!" I did this detox to focus on myself and the awesome life that God has put in front of me. I have said for weeks now that I was ready to move on and accept. In my head that moment of letting go was like a ah ha moment. I would wake up and I would just let go, just like that. Well, let me tell ya, it doesn't work that way. Life isn't that simple. I have come to the conclusion that letting go is different for everybody. For me, it comes in little moments. These moments all have one thing in common, I am surrounded by my new Kentucky friends. They can be simple moments like laughing so hard you cry or they can be loud moments of jamming out to Adele with all the windows down while cruising on the back roads of Kentucky. These moments show me that letting go is okay. These moments give me a purpose to let go.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I have tucked Memphis into my heart and now I can just start loving Kentucky. I will forever love Memphis and all the wonderful family that I have there but that weight that was lifted from shoulders was Memphis. Not that Memphis was a burden to me, but I stopped worrying about what all my friends were doing and who they were with and I stopped just constantly spinning the thought of how much I miss Memphis in my head. I smiled and laughed this week. I got they "Hey girl, we want to hangout with you tonight!" texts and those in itself make me smile from ear to ear. :) You can say your ready to let go and move on but once push come to shove, will you actually be able to do it?
I have come to the terms of this is my new life. I tuck Memphis in my heart everyday. Kentucky is right outside my door steps. Am I going to hide or take it head on?
Kentucky, I am taking you head on.
I may be scared and nervous but in the end I never regret walking into those rooms of a bunch of people and just saying, "Hey ya'll!" I have learned through this detox. It has taught me that it is okay to let go, in fact it is highly encouraged. My true Memphis friends will always be there and I will never forget Memphis. How could I? It is a pretty awesome place filled with even more amazing people!
I can say that I am ACTUALLY letting go. It feels good. I feel like I can breathe.
Miss everyone back home! :)
Monday, October 3, 2011
Memphis Detox
I am doing a Memphis detox this week. I love all my friends in Memphis but I think at times I am clinging to hard to them. I am trying to be there in Memphis. I need to just focus on me and the friendships I am building here. So, this week I will go a week without a single text or call to one of my friends in Memphis. It will be weird but I am hoping it will give me some relief almost. I am hoping that through this I will see that, I don't need to know every detail of what is going on. I am living in Cincinnati now, not Memphis. I need to focus on the friends that I am establishing here. Mentally I need to be here, not just physically but mentally as well.
I love Memphis and the friends I have there but I think I need this. I think I need to let go a little bit and enjoy the ride. I need to start enjoying the ride here, in Cincinnati.
Talk to my Memphis peeps at the end of this week :) Hope everybody has a great week!
Fall has arrived in Cincy! We are having cool temperatures and yummy candy apples!
Happy fall ya'll!
I love Memphis and the friends I have there but I think I need this. I think I need to let go a little bit and enjoy the ride. I need to start enjoying the ride here, in Cincinnati.
Talk to my Memphis peeps at the end of this week :) Hope everybody has a great week!
Fall has arrived in Cincy! We are having cool temperatures and yummy candy apples!
Happy fall ya'll!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Nobody said it would be easy
Nobody said it would be easy. Nobody warned you of the pain you would feel, nobody warned you of the icky feeling you get when you are known as the new girl, nobody said it would be easy. Amen to that.
I have figured out something. This thing is small but will make a big impact. I don't need to care so much about what people think. I love my friends back home in Memphis but sometimes I care to much about what they think of me. I am trying my best. I am working towards acceptance and just being happy. I need my friends to understand that, I need them to understand that it will not happen over night, I need them to understand that pushing me to do things does not help me. Nobody gave me a manuel on how to deal with moving. I wish they did, it would make things easier :) I have to cope with moving to Cincinnati the way that gets me through each day. Some people may disagree with that way but they are not walking in my shoes.
Life is crazy. Life doesn't promise us that it will be easy. Life is hard. You can only push yourself so much. You can only go so far. Sometimes, we have to cut ourselves some slack and just take a breather. Relax and sit back for a minute. God shut the door on Memphis and opened one to Cincinnati. The only problem with that is, I was no where near ready to shut that door on Memphis. I love Memphis. It is hard to move on from something that you were never ready to leave. It is hard to explain to people how you feel when they just don't understand. It is hard to feel like I am a Ryle High Raider. It is just hard all around.
So, how do I get through each day? I have no clue :) I personally, want to see what the future holds. I am scared out of my mind but excited at the same time. Each day gets me to my goal. My goal of smiling more. My goal of saying I actually like it here. My goal of feeling more at home. My goal of feeling accepted. My goal of being happy. Sure, I will have those depressing homesick moments, I had one last night! But, if I can smile more and more everyday, those moments will not be as heart wrenching and painful.
I really do feel blessed with awesome family and friends to help me through! I take every word of advice and tuck it into my heart. Slowly and surely I will accept and move on.
I have figured out something. This thing is small but will make a big impact. I don't need to care so much about what people think. I love my friends back home in Memphis but sometimes I care to much about what they think of me. I am trying my best. I am working towards acceptance and just being happy. I need my friends to understand that, I need them to understand that it will not happen over night, I need them to understand that pushing me to do things does not help me. Nobody gave me a manuel on how to deal with moving. I wish they did, it would make things easier :) I have to cope with moving to Cincinnati the way that gets me through each day. Some people may disagree with that way but they are not walking in my shoes.
Life is crazy. Life doesn't promise us that it will be easy. Life is hard. You can only push yourself so much. You can only go so far. Sometimes, we have to cut ourselves some slack and just take a breather. Relax and sit back for a minute. God shut the door on Memphis and opened one to Cincinnati. The only problem with that is, I was no where near ready to shut that door on Memphis. I love Memphis. It is hard to move on from something that you were never ready to leave. It is hard to explain to people how you feel when they just don't understand. It is hard to feel like I am a Ryle High Raider. It is just hard all around.
So, how do I get through each day? I have no clue :) I personally, want to see what the future holds. I am scared out of my mind but excited at the same time. Each day gets me to my goal. My goal of smiling more. My goal of saying I actually like it here. My goal of feeling more at home. My goal of feeling accepted. My goal of being happy. Sure, I will have those depressing homesick moments, I had one last night! But, if I can smile more and more everyday, those moments will not be as heart wrenching and painful.
I really do feel blessed with awesome family and friends to help me through! I take every word of advice and tuck it into my heart. Slowly and surely I will accept and move on.
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