Hope your Christmas was great! Our first Kentucky Christmas was defiantly one to remember and cherish!
Well, 2011 is numbered and 2012 is approaching fast. My 2012 resolution? It is a simple one.
I am NOT cutting Memphis out but simply just KEEPING it in my heart but in the mean time I will MOVE forward and ACCEPT this Kentucky life that I have been given.
I am done with people telling me to move on, let go, and accept the fact that I moved. This is my life and I will move on at my own pace. I will jump when I am ready. No more suffocating myself from the people and city that I love but instead finding a balance between the two lives. Finding two spots in my heart for all the wonderful people that God has blessed me with.
2011 was defiantly a hard year but one that I will never forget. 2012, I am ready for you. I am ready for the laugh out loud moments, the sad homesick moments, and the wonderfully amazing Kentucky moments. I am ready.
I figured out that when you finally start listening to your heart and trusting your situation is when you can start to let go and move forward. Those are two scary things to do but they can be done and I am currently doing those things.
I have come a long way since that 18 wheeler left my 5247 Arlington house. I have taken a butt load of steps to the ultimate goal of acceptance. Some were big steps while others were small tiny accomplishments but never the less, they were steps.
My favorite quote:
"Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self."
AMEN.
Hello Cincy. Hello new. Hello change. Your defiantly scary but I am learning how to take you down. I honestly, wouldn't change my Kentucky life. I have met some super sweet girls and have adapted to being a Raider. I am learning to love Kentucky :)
Goodbye 2011, hello 2012! I am ready to smile and laugh more! I am ready to start loving Kentucky. I am ready.
A big thank you to my sweet southern friends for being there every step of the way through this move. I couldn't do it with out you! AND a big thank you to all the sweet friends that I have met in Kentucky, you have showed me that Kentucky isn't to bad! :) I am beyond blessed with my two sets of friends. I actually consider myself special :)
Thank you!
Hope your new year is filled with joy and happiness!
I am currently feeling: Flabbergasted
I still can not believe that I have moved to Cincinnati. Somedays it just hits me and I kinda laugh about it. I wonder why God wanted me in Kentucky. What is the purpose to this? I will never really know the purpose but I do know that it is a good one :)
This past weekend was hard. All my favorite Memphis girlfriends got all dolled up while I sat back and watched the pictures pop up on Twitter and Facebook I felt that sharp pain of heartache creep back in. It was hard. I wanted to be in those pictures and I wanted to be hugging them so hard but I couldn't. I was miles away living my own separate life. It actually felt weird. I wasn't in that memory or that experience. It does hurt still, it makes me miss them even more.
I get jealous. I want to be in the picture posing beside them instead of their other friends. I want to see them face to face and be able to laugh and see them smile...not just hear their laugh them over the phone.
This past weekend was a reality check. I am not there anymore. I have my own life in Kentucky. I say that countless times but it is still like a slap in the face. I know it takes time, believe me I know. I just want the heartache to be gone. I want to smile at those pictures of Memphis but I guess it just takes time. :)
One of my very dear friends in Memphis told me that God hands us life lessons. They may not be what we want or easy but God knows that is what we need. He is teaching me a life lesson right now. Change.
Today I walked in to a really special surprise. A very SWEET southern friend sent us some famous Rendezvous special rib seasoning and that ohh so good barbecue sauce. All I have to do is just smell the seasoning and I am one happy girl. My oh my how I can't wait to get some Memphis barbecue soon :)
Happy holidays from the Kelly's in Kentucky! Hope it is filled with laughter, smiles, and lots of memories! I love everybody back home and miss ya'll every second <3
Sometimes you just have those weeks of pure frustration and a butt load of other emotions all packed into one. I hate it. I get overwhelmed by it and at a certain point just loose it.
But, sometimes loosing it is what you really need. We have been Kentuckians for 5 months now and in my head I should be loving it here and should be completely comfortable with the fact that this is not the south anymore. Well folks, that is not true.
I really struggle with the fact that my best friends are miles away. I really struggle with the fact that I will graduate as a Ryle High Raider instead of an Arlington High Tiger. I really struggle with the fact that life isn't what is use to be like 5 months ago.
So, as I plopped myself into the counselor's office Friday for a full on vent session I was asked the simple yet complex question, "Maggie how are you feeling right now?" Yeah, that is a easy question to answer but I was stumped. I sat there silent for a few minutes and then a million feelings started coming out of my mouth. I was sad, depressed, mad, angry, confused, and frustrated. I know those are a lot all rolled into one but it was the truth.
The counselor's response is always very calm and precise. "Well, lets get to the core root of all these feelings, why don't we?"
Yes, please lets do it.
I am very hard on myself and that is something that I need to work on. If I could tell people anything about this move it would be that I try so hard everyday to smile and laugh. Now, those people may not think I do but they are wrong. How do you stop these feelings of confusion and sadness? There is not just one go to answer. It is different for everybody. I think I may have found what that answer is for me.
I need to TRUST God more, I need to LOOSEN my grip on Memphis, and I need to START loving Kentucky more. I don't love Kentucky yet but I don't think it is bad it is just...different. Different is good, it is neutral. These things are on my to do list right now. I have decided to limit my use of my social networking sites that way I am not tempted 24/7 with obsessing with what Memphis is doing and I made the very hard but important decision of cutting down my talking/texting time with my friends back home.
I am not cutting Memphis OFF, like so many people have told me to do but I am just simply cutting BACK. I know it is going to feel weird and strange and just plain not normal but the friends that truly love me will stay with me no matter where I am and that right there makes me feel like I can let go of Memphis.
Letting go is really scary but I am tired of feeling crummy and depressed so you know what? I am taking a U -turn. A U-turn back to happiness. I will have my weekly phone calls with Memphis and I will soak up every minute but I am gonna live in the moment and embrace Kentucky and the amazing Kentuckians living here. I am up for the challenge.
My goal this week is to START to let go. I finally realized that life is not going to be what is was 5 months ago. It isn't. So, why dwell in the bad?? I am tired of that.
This week is Operation Letting Go. I am ready to go! :)
Have you ever gotten those moments where reality just smacks you in the face?
I do. They all have one thing in common. They are all about moving.
I will be walking down the hallway at school and get that smack in the face. I moved and I haven't seen what I called my home in 5 months.
That right there is a hard thing to swallow. I called Memphis my home and then I was taken away from it. It feels like somebody ripped my source of oxygen from me and I am just left struggling to breath. I struggle with this feeling a lot. It can happen on a weekly basis or a monthly basis but I feel it.
So, I have to ask myself, what can I do to stop that? To control this feeling? Now, most of the time I have no answer but, I am still on the look out for it. The answer will come one day, I promise. It is going to be an amazing answer too. One that is real and true. It could be acceptance or letting go, and it is going to feel great.
There are times where I feel like I am running from my own mind and just trying to escape it all. I don't want these reality smacking moments. They bring back bad memories. Memories of the trucks, boxes, and many many goodbyes.
Some days are hard. Some days bring heartaches. Some days bring back painful memories. Some days bring back sadness. Some days are like that and they are hard to digest. You think you took several steps forward to acceptance and then you feel like something else just knocks you down and before you know it, you have taken several steps back. It isn't a fun feeling to feel. I struggle with it a lot.
A good friend reminded me the other day that if you took 5 steps forward and 4 steps back you still took 1 amazing step forward. That step should be celebrated and praised no matter how little it is. So, today I do feel heartache for my beloved Memphis but I am also trying to remember that one step forward is still one amazing step.
That is just one more step closer to moving on. :)
Hope your Saturday is filled with lots of holiday cheer and some deserving rest!
